I am Alive

iamaliveAfter a serial of car explosions in Lebanon, a guy came up with the following Android application:

Description

Every time there is an explosion, we have to spend a lot of time contacting our loved ones and letting them know we’re alright, making sure they’re okay too.
Not anymore!
With this handy app, you just have to open it and tap one button and the fact that you’re safe and sound will be tweeted to the world with #Lebanon and #LatestBombing.
If your friends use this app too then you can just go to your twitter feed and filter for these hashtags to instantly get reassured about your loved ones!We’re working on newer versions of this app that will support facebook as well.

NB: We are also working on a version for the politicians so that they can tweet out there “istinkar” of the situation with just one tap!

Link to the App: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=hassan.sandra.iamalive

 

37 years and we learned nothing.

Dialogue between two Lebanese:

– 37 Years !!!
– Wloooh, Time flies.
– Most important thing is that we’re still alive.
– Drink man drink, kesak – to your health.
– You’re right let us drink maybe we will forget this headache we have.
– Lek, I heard that if things are solved in Syria they will automatically solve ours?
– Kabir Aakla’, even if they find a solution for our country, do you think we will allow them to solve our issues? What will we do with all the leaders, the “papazet”, the zou3ama, the rayyis, the Maalim, …. who will the talk shows invite?
– 37 years ya man.
– Eh 37 and we remain in the same place.
– Drink ya man drink.
– Lek is it true the Patriarch will head to Syria and he might kiss Assad’s hand?
– Rumors.
– But the papers and the media are saying he might.
– Rumors … but tell me what politicians didn’t work or kiss or shake the hands of the Syrians at a certain time?
– Lek khayeh, 37 years ago we killed each other and today we are kissing the killers?
– Yep, shu bek ya zalameh, what ever the Rayyis (the street leader who thinks he is a national and regional leader) says the people will do or follow.
– Ya haram, the son of Tanious our neighbor died for a “cause” and my cousin was displaced for a “cause” …. Dakhlak those who were fighting for this or that cause aren’t they today fighting for the opposite “cause”???
– Eh you heard them the other day, those who were fighting for the Lebanese cause and killing those who are supporting the Arab cause are now fighting for the Arab cause!! Or those who were fighting for the Arab cause and killing those who were fighting for Lebanon cause are calling for “Lebanon First”!!!! Why did they fight then? Why they killed all these people??
– Drink and forget.
– Did you hear about the wage increase?
– Eh I spend it all on this bottle of Arak. Drink ya zalameh.
– Tayib you heard about the electricity, the ships,
– Who needs them?!? We already have electric generators. W dakhlak now they remembered the electricity to fix it?
– Tayib the expired and rotten food and meat they are feeding us?
– Eh now they remembered it??? They have been feeding you shit for years and you had no clue. Did you hear anyone saying they pulled expired food from the shelves? Kabir Aalak, drink.
– 37 years and we are going backwards.
– Well they say one year, we will have new parliament, new president and change will come.
– True true and the people will elect the same nothing will change. Ba3dein those who want to change in a year, they were in power few years ago: You had no electricity, you had no water, you were eating the rotten food, …. Why they didn’t change back then? And those who were saying once they take power they will change, what did they change in the past couple of years?
– They were busy changing one thing. Haram, it took all their time. They are still busy adding money to their bank accounts.
– Anyway, who ever bow the most will be elected.
– Tayib and the Resistance weapons.
– Shuuuu dakhilak, we are already drinking Arak (haida Munkar), lower your voice before we get whipped.
– What about Aoun and Geagea? Will they unite so the Christians will be better represented in the government?
– LOL this is better than Abu el Abded joke. Drink ya Zalameh.
– It seems there is no solution.
– Well you have to wait for the patriarch to return from his trips, Hariri from Paris, Geagea to stop picking flowers, Aoun from fighting the windmills, Joumblatt to stick to one choice, Nasrallah drop his weapons, Berri gives his spot back to the Imam Sadr, Assad regime falls, Salafist-jihadist became Maronites, …
– Woooohoooo drink man drink.
– kesak (cheers) and let every April 13 pass and we are drunk.
– Kes el 37 years.
– Kes el ignorant (w kes ikhtoun) who learned nothing.

April 13 1975: The only Lesson Lebanese learned from the civil war

For those who do not read Arabic the following is the Arabic writing on this picture: The Civil War is More Comfortable in Pajamas: The only thing that the Lebanese learned from the war of April 13, 1975.